GONE.. FOREVER....

It’s 1 a.m. in the morning. The date is 09th January 2007. Tried to sleep… tried to read a book… tried to listen to some music; but nothing worked. Logged in to the chat… and everybody’s status read ‘idle’ or ‘offline’… so… here I am.. can’t find anybody to have a chat… everybody’s asleep. At this time.. I want to talk with someone so badly... Never in my life I felt this need of talking to someone this badly.... What else can I do.. rather than summing up all the things in my head to my diary. So.. this is what I have to write in my diary about today.

3 hours ago… There was a funeral which took place in West California; the funeral of the most wonderful guy in this whole universe. Yeah… My best guy friend. Angels took him to heaven 2 days ago. Cancer… Leukemia.. And he was just 28. I’m still wondering how it happened, cz for me.. it’s absolutely and totally impossible. I’ll just tell you why it’s so impossible. You just keep on reading.

3 years back, when I met this guy for the 1st time ever, he was an Engineering student in the University. You just say “hi” or “how are you” to a person you meet for the 1st time. But this guy. Guess what his 1st reaction was! He just said “hey.. why is your hair so short?” You talk to a person for 2 hours.. and you feel that person is so open, honest, reliable and fun to be with?? Well.. That’s what started our friendship. I believe in the fact that a guy and a girl can be best friends. I truly do.. And.. we ended up being best friends.

You chat… call… or talk to someone everyday… you just tell that person all your gossips of the day.. Then you get used to it. You get addicted to it. You have someone very close to talk to.. to share your secrets… share your thoughts… Then you don’t feel alone in this world, cz you know there’s always somebody you can turn to.. and that somebody is always there for you. Then, all of a sudden, what if you loose that somebody forever? Have you ever had that feeling ever? Believe me.. it’s a very hard feeling to get rid of. Your heart is not powerful enough to face the truth that this somebody is gone…Your whole world is empty… At this moment.. I feel like an empty room. I feel that the world is so empty.. and every happiness in this world has been taken away.. You just can’t help feeling that way. Cancer.. Leukemia…

A lot of people in this world today are not good listeners. They just love to talk about themselves. There are people like that. But he… he was a good listener. He listens to you well. Really well. He does it differently. I don’t know how to explain it further; but he was a totally different listener. He gets into your shoes so deeply, in the end, you hear yourself talking to you through somebody else.

He’s completely the ‘every girl’s dream’ type-of-a guy. Smart.. funny.. good looking… honest…. What I loved most about him was he was very open and extremely fun to be with. He shouts at the top of his lungs.. and whenever he’s around, everybody around him is smiling. He was never EVER big headed about what a ‘bright case’ he was. He was really good in his studies; actually. A really funky cool guy…You know.. being tall and having good hair completes half the handsomeness in a guy. He was extremely good looking and most of my friends who knew him were like “ooo “ and ‘ahh” whenever I mentioned him.

He was in SL when I broke up with my boyfriend.. or rather I’d say.. in the days that my boyfriend cheated on me. I was badly hurt and I thought I’d never recover from it. So.. my best friend.. he was watching my every move those days.. telling this and that.. lecturing me about the whole ‘guys who cheat’ concept… and how lucky I was for it to end this way. The sad fact was, this was the time the doctors had recognized that he’s having a cancer.. and he.. he never told it to me cz he has thought I’d be upset over it too.

Most people go abroad.. and they simply forget what they had back here before they go. With him; it was totally different. When he went to UK for the M.Sc. I though we’d fall apart even by a little bit. He made sure not to make it happen. I never felt my crazy brother was that far away from me. However, as I remember, it was last September that he told me about the cancer. By then, he has moved to US with his family. I felt that he was getting better.. so I never worried. In fact, he promised me that he’ll never die.. and said he’ll be back with a mountain of white chocolates for me.

Last Sunday night, he called me from the hospital. He sounded so alive and cheery. He said he’s getting better.. coming back to SL soon.. promised me to bring this and that… so on and on. When I told him that I went to Gangarama temple on January 2nd, he said “I’ve never been to there, the ‘seema malakaya’ in the middle of the beire lake. Let’s all go there when we come back”.. Yesterday… I went there once again.. and I remembered all of this. Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined lighting lamps to remember him. Never. I can’t still believe that he’s gone. Sitting under the Bo tree in the temple, I was thinking.. “maybe this is a bad dream.. and when I wake up.. all things will be fine”… And when I opened my eyes.. still he was gone.

I wanted to share this with you, because I have a very good reason to do so. When he called me that night, he told me something like this. “When we’re alive, we don’t show our loved ones how much we care for them. When they’re gone away from your life… then it’s too late to tell them how much you loved them and how much they mean to you. You should never hold back what’s in your heart for others… because.. tomorrow can be too late. That’s why I want to come back to SL.. All the people I love and care are in SL.. I’m coming back to tell them how much they mean to me… I couldn’t spent enough time with you ever. So.. when I come back.. let’s spend some quality time together..”.. We were planning to go here and there.. to do this and that and.. well.. 6 hours passed.. His brother called me to tell that he was gone.. That phone call.. that moment.. my heart really stopped. The world stopped. Suddenly… the whole world was empty…

Yesterday, I told what happened to some of my best friends;. Had a long talk with two of my best friends too. Some, who knew him well; they too cried…I didn’t want to talk about what happened that much. It hurts. There were 2 other friends I talked with .. through chat, that I went into detail of what happened. I didn’t know them for that long, but they sure made me feel better. It’s like…sometimes, you just feel comfortable talking to some people for no reason at all. Maybe because they’re good people and that’s a sign to recognize them, I guess.

Now that I’m telling you all this.. what I want to tell you is.. PLEASE.. for god’s sake… tell the people you love and care that you love them so much. Now I’m thinking.. I should’ve done more things for him. I should have spent more time with him. I should have talked with him some more. I should have laughed with him a bit more. But now it’s too late for me. My dear friends.. don’t make this mistake. Maybe you don’t realize the value of the people around you today. But when they’re gone.. it’s too late. You’ll regret it. Don’t delay to speak your heart out. And especially.. if you’re in love with someone today.. don’t hide it. Don’t waste a single moment. Just tell them that you love them. Please.. just do it.

I hope he’s in heaven now… among all the angels. Maybe god wanted him this early; just maybe… the heaven must be lacking good people these days. It took me almost an year to forget the guy who cheated on me.. so.. then.. what about this guy?? No.. I won’t be able to forget him as long as I live. That’s when I wish .. “hey.. can somebody please invent a way to erase some memories from your life…?”

My friends.. again I’m telling…. please… if you care for someone.. or love someone.. you say it right then.. or.. the moment just passes by…. By then, it’s too late.