The rainy days are here again. The days are dark, cozy and wet. The rain pours down from the sky from the dawn to dusk. I would say the days are gloomy and miserable with the rain pouring down all day, messing up the grass in the lawn and locking up the birds in cages. But I won’t. I love rain. I have always loved rain. The wind that blows just before the rain, ruining the fallen leaves resting in the ground, is the coldest wind you can ever imagine. It’s raining cats and dogs outside. I heard the wind chime swaying in the wind, melodically, just before the rain. Now it has stopped. I can only hear the cluttering sound of the rain drops hitting the roof. The low grumble in the sky has eventually transforming into a loud growl. Once in a while, a flashing light travels across the sky, like a mini-aurora in the sky. I’m scared of it anyway. It sends chills down my spine, every time I see it.
It feels like living in the wet town of
About one month back, on a cold rainy day like this, I was watching the rain outside my window and watching the patterns it made outside my window seal. As I was watching the rain, I started to wonder whether I’m really doing the things in my life as I want and exactly the way I want them. There were so many things in my life which I really wanted to do. Small things. But since I started my job and got busy with it, I realized that I have missed doing so many things in my life. It’s true that the career path I’m in is always a busy one. But it’s like you operate as a machine every day. You work late, you work extra days and you don’t have time for anything else.
Well.. I did have time for certain things in my life. I made so many good friends… I enjoyed life as I liked. But… come to think about it all… I realized that this is not exactly what I wanted from my life. People might say that you can still do the busy job and do the small things you want. It’s true. But I want more. One day, the job will be my second priority. My first priority will be my home. My family. I don’t have so many complicated career goals. So… a small job with a lesser salary, which I can do with the things I want to do in my life… that would be more than enough for me. One day, I don’t want to be the mommy who goes to work, leaving behind my kids in the daycare and come home after dark with fast food from some fancy food outlet for my husband and kids. I really want to be a good mommy and a good wife. And I guess I have so much to learn on that path as well.
I want a peaceful life… a less busy one. I need to get back to my studies. I want to be on my mother’s birthday on a Sunday. I don’t want to miss out things because I have to be so busy. I need more time for the little things. I’ve been working for 3 years. I want a change now. I need to do what I really want to do. So… at that moment, I decided to take the risk and go for what I want.
So.. when the rain was pouring down so hard, I decided to take the first step towards it. I decided to quit my current job… and settle down with the kind of a job I want. The hardest part will be to leave behind my friends. I still don’t have a Plan B to survive it. I know it’s gonna be really really hard. It makes me so very sad. This December, as the year ends, things in my life will change, starting with a whole new chapter. I will take a break from everything and have some quality time for myself. Little things, I will do too, like reading so many books, starting my guitar lessons, lighting up the garden with vegetables (one thing I always love to do) and even some traveling around the country.. which I miss so much…. Plus, some good cooking as well..
When the rain stopped that day, the air was much fresher than before. I breathed the soft cool breeze in to my lungs and felt the difference. I stepped outside, and the grass was still wet. The sun has sunk and the sky was much clearer. I looked up. The stars were slowly coming out of their hiding places, one by one. Before long, the sky was full of shimmering and glittering stars… This is why I like night. When it’s dark only you see the pretty stars in the sky. As for me… the sky will be dark, sometimes.. but I really have the hope of finding all those stars in the sky… one day… Just because of three things. I know what I want.. I trust what I do… and most importantly.. I have HOPE…
